Semiperfect

I am 30 today.
30 things I have learned in the last 30 years.

1. Never break two laws at once.
2. Tizer will remove marker pen from latex.
3. Whenever possible, drink from curly straws.
4. Don't get too comfortable.
5. Only touching something when you know where it's been gets boring quickly.
6. Silence can be passed off as grace.
7. Never get involved with a man in a homburg.
8. The cure for hea...